Happy Lupercalia Day! C'mon shout it out loud... HAPPY LUPERCALIA DAY!!! WAHOOSKI!(that's polish for wahoo.. no, no ... Polish not polish). The really good Christians no what I'm talking about. Let's take a trip back in time shall we, back to a simpler time... say.. 753 B.C. or there abouts. So, there I am lounging around in my tunic eating a couple of grapes thinking to myself... Damn this marble lounger is hard(You, yes you over there. You lazy boy get off of your tuckis and o make me a more comfortable chair!) Boredom... what to do... what to do...Got it! You two noble boys over there, go fetch me a dog and a goat and meet me by Lupecal Cave, you know the place, the one where Romulus and Remus got caught doing that beastiality thing with Rumina the she-wolf. What do you mean what kind of dog? I don't care... get me a Roman Shepard or a St. Roman, no make it a small dog.... a Vatican Terrier will do. Mean while I'll set up the beer tent cause boys we are going to have ouselves a Festival.. No, wait, we are going to have ourselves a Pagan Festival and we are going to purify all of these hot women of their curses, bad luck, and infertility!
Okay, here's how we're going to get this party started. I'm going to sacrifice the dog(Hey, not a festival without fido roast).Now I'm going to sacrifice the goat(you didn't think one dog was going to feed all of those people did you). Now I'm going to smear the blood on your face and then wipe it off(done with the hazing) What a good laugh that whole blood on the face thing was. Okay, you two boys put these loinclothes on.. take this goat skin and soak it in the blood really good. Now, run around like crazy and see how many women you can flog!!! Then meet me back at the beer tent ... don't worry we'll tell the women getting flogged gives them the best results for fertility.. they'll fall for it.
A short time later.... back at the beer tent with Romulus, Remus and the Roman V kicking out the jams the revelry, drinking, rowdiness and horseplay began and it didn't end until 1200 years later. Hell, even the Pope got on board, of course he got the marketing rights so he got to change the name of the festival. In 494 A.D. Lupercalis became known as "Feast of the Purification of the Virgin Mary". After all, a Pope can't associate with a Pagan Festival...or can they....
ask, believe, receive.
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